April 25, 2002 10:46 P.M.

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Talk about a roller coaster day. I’ve been up and down and back and forth.

If you haven’t guessed it already, I’m kind of emotional. Things happen around me and it makes me think of things and I either end up crying or writing a song about it. Not necessarily in that order. But today, was crying. Crying during my prayer time in the morning, crying during worship time at school. Just crying because things have been going on around me that I have no control over. Sometimes I find security in that control. But I feel that people haven’t given me a chance. It’s hard to explain really, but I am getting jacked. No joke. It should be better by tomorrow, but maybe I allow myself to explain myself too well. Maybe I don’t explain myself enough? Not sure. I’m not even sure that I am talking to anyone in this journal or just writing my thoughts down and posting them so people can see inside my head! Geeze.. I’m a freak, and I know it.

Look at me in that photo. That’s how I feel. But what is it? What’s going on inside of me that’s making go nuts. Can’t a guy be a guy? GEEZE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I don’t know. I can’t understand myself right now. The problem is-is that I want to explain myself in more detail, but I can’t share those things on here. I know you kids are getting to know me more and more every journal you read, but today, well today is a step back in the “knowing of shay” time. haha. Sometimes I’m funny, but rarely apparently.

I need to go read my Bible. It’s a love letter; I like love letters.

Shay

April 22, 2002 10:20 P.M.

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I was feeling a little studly yesterday. So that’s the reason for the picture. I think it’s funny that I called it “gqshay.jpg” Some times I think I am sooo funny. But I’m not, I know.

But whatever. I just got back from play practice about an hour and a half ago. Spent a little time in my friend Tim’s car just talking in the driveway. We do that sometimes. It’s a good time. Tonight we just were talking about school being over soon and how cool it would be if I moved down to where he’s going to be and stuff and I don’t know, just good stuff. Love hanging out with my guy friends.

I really don’t have anything inspiring to say this evening. It’s hard for me to think of things these days. Everything is in slow-motion. But I do have a little story to tell. So yesterday I go to call to RSVP for this dance that I am going to. And I end up talking to a friend of mine that I have known for a long time. But we just like started chatting and ended up chatting for a long time on the phone. Just laughing and stuff. It was really cool. Cause we could just be friends, there aren’t any ties there, you know? If you can (here comes my words of encouragement), but I think whether you are a guy or a girl you should find one or two friends of the opposite sex to just sit and talk with. It’s awesome, but not someone who would make things weird for you or whatever. I don’t know how much of this is making sense, but it’s a real thing. It’s good to have friends of the other sex that are just friends, and nothing else. I don’t know if I explained that well enough. But whatever.. I think I am going to go read my Bible now and do my devotions.

Shay

April 20, 2002 2:09 P.M.

Wow, the last couple of days have been rockin’. Today is Saturday and I’m sitting here waiting to for a drive, cause my sister is letting me use her car and stuff, but man, it’s been cool.

Yesterday I went to Disneyland with a ton of my friends! (some pictured at the right) We freakin’ tore that place apart. We started out with like 18 people in our group and it slowly dwindled to about 15 or so, but man did we do some serious Disneyland. Not to mention the fact that a few friends of mine brought camera’s and we got some rockin’ shots of everyone and of course me! haha.. I’ll be posting a “Shaycam at Disneyland” gallery soon. I’m waiting for my friends to email me the pics they took. But anyway. All that to say that we had a really good time. But on the way home at around 12:00-1:00 AM we were all chatting in the back of the bus and we talked about old times and stuff, but what really stuck out was what something my friend Brad brought up. He was saying that we only have like less than 2 months left of high school. After that, no school bus rides, no trips together, no more hanging out as HIGH SCHOOLERS! It really made me kind of sad and stuff, but I dunno. We were saying that now is the time to hang out like crazy, because, let’s face it; this is it. So anyway..

Today I got a little early and went over to our local town “Poppy Festival” to see my school choir perform. I got in there and then found myself on stage flipping music for Jamie (the pianist) and just helping her that way. It was cool, I enjoyed it. But that’s life.

uh?.. OH YEAH! My friend Paul (who happens to be one of the guys that has some pics of my from Disneyland) is a Roller coaster fanatic! So check out his website. I also added it to the links page! it’s California Coasters - http://www.calcoasters.net ok bye

Shay

April 16, 2002 4:03 P.M.

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I chose this one because she does the same stuff with her arms that I do when I’ve been working hard having people watch me on cam.. haha! I crack my self up!

Sorry I haven’t been on cam in a few days.. but have you kids enjoyed the pics of my mom? haha.. I thought they were great. It was funny. She had to use my computer for some letters or something that she was writing and I looked at the site later and saw that the last pictures were of her! Pretty rockin’..

But anyways, down to business. Things have been going alright. This last weekend I went down to this speech competition. It was actually kind of exciting. I got to read a children’s book in front of like 10 people and then get graded on it and all this stuff, it was fun. But it was more exciting because of the people I was with and everything, so yeah.

As far life goes, eh?.. it’s not too bad. School has been the most boring thing on the planet. I don’t know what the heck I did last year, but man, I’m tellin’ ya this senior stuff is a piece of freakin’ cake right now. Oh man, today we had PSAT testing. WHAT A JOKE! It is the EXACT SAME TEST that we took last year. So, on like the “Reading Comprehension” section I was thinking, “I read this story last year, and I still remember what happens..” haha.. it was fantastic. Ahh, the joys of high school.

I just that I’d let you kids know that I am going to Disneyland on Friday. It is going to be a rockin’ good time, so if you are going too, make sure you get your picture taken with Mickey and I. Then you can say “I GOT MY PICTURE TAKEN WITH THAT KID ON THAT WEBCAM! AND MICKEY MOUSE” *notice that Mickey comes second, that’s important. hehe

Ok, I’m getting weird. I am going to leave you. You kids have an enjoyable afternoon and evening and well, see ya whenever.

Shay

And dreaming..

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Today I have managed to sleep most of the day. Not only did I not wake up until’ 8:00AM, but I slept in every single period. I slept the entire 3rd, 4th, and 7th periods, and slept for 5 minutes in 5th and just rested in 6th. It was nuts! I’ve been really sick. Once I got home at 3:00, I just came in to my room and slept. Then a few of my friends (Kira and Sara) came over and they brought me orange juice, 2 books, a snickers, a card, flowers, and a new necklace. It was the coolest. I don’t think anyone has done something that cool to me a looooooooooooooooong time. Thanks girls!

Anyway, I woke up 9:00 tonight and have been up for the last hour and a half. I was looking through this kids book that the girls brought me and it had the picture you are seeing to your left in it. It was a really sad picture. Some of it’s meaning to me is really hard to explain. You see, my nephew has been in the hospital. He had a severe asthma attack and now he’s been in and out of a coma, and all this stuff. But the latest news has been the hardest to take. You see, my nephew is like me. He loves sports, likes to get outside and play, but now they have said that he is blind. Blind. What a thing to say to a 10-year-old. “..You can’t play baseball anymore, you can’t go run around like you used to.. here’s your stick.. make it through life..” It hurts me to think of these things. It really allows me to take a look in to my life and say, “.. geeze.. compared to what Ashton (my nephew) is going through.. it’s not so bad..” but the problem I see there is the fact that, I WISH I WASN’T SAYING THAT! you know? I wouldn’t be saying that if it didn’t happen, and of course I didn’t want that to happen. But at the same time, God is in control. God can do whatever he wants with his own stuff. Why would I be the one to judge his decisions?

Sorry so serious, but that’s just life for me at the moment.

Shay